A Life Uncertain in Costa Rica!
|Photo by Jesse Epstein|
Today I am going to write about "uncertainty" again! It's something we all live with from time to time. When you have a mental illness, you live with uncertainty all the time. Your brain is a time bomb waiting to go off.
Right now, I am struggling to keep afloat. The reason is that I was born with a blood condition called Thalassemia Trait. I am a carrier, so it's never been a big deal. It wasn't until I was pregnant that this was ever an issue in my life. I was anemic, but it seemed to work it self out. My hemoglobin was in a normal range when I moved to Costa Rica. But since last year, my blood has been really low.
Let me explain Thalassemia. What happens is that my red blood cells don't last as long because they lack oxygen. I have Thalassemia minor. Usually, there are no real problems other than a little anemia. In the mountains here, the air is thin so the oxygen content is less. If it is less for someone who doesn't have this disease, can you imagine what it's like for me?
Now, you are thinking "Gina why move to the mountains?" Good question!! I didn't even think about it, because after being pregnant without anything happening, I thought I would be ok. When we visited here before moving, I had very little problem breathing.
Now, I am tired all the time and breathing is hard. I sleep in the afternoons...sometimes for hours.
Right now, I don't feel like myself at all. This scares me because this anemia is a good trigger for depression. My psychiatrist is very supportive and I am really talking about all that is coming up for me in therapy. Jess is great as always. It's just new territory for me.
Strange thing is that I do feel grounded. Right now, my doctor promised to speak to a hematologist she trusts and get back to me. Turns out, she had a family emergency and so I am left hanging as to whether she spoke to him or not. I texted her for his number and have received no response as of yet.
This is where the uncertainty lies. Waiting for doctors and not knowing if they are really going to help. Beyond solving my blood issue, my big concern is how is this going to affect my brain.
This where my faith comes in. I trust all will be taken care of one way or another. It's just temporary!
Just makes moving to the beach (sea level!) more of a must now!!!
Love and Peace