Appreciate Your Younger Self!
As I am sitting here with my thoughts and looking out at my jungle of a yard, I am overcome with such gratitude for where I live and my life. My life is far from perfect and I have things I still need to work on.
My younger self was so filled with self loathing that I thought I'd be lucky if I made it to 30. At that time, my heart wanted to heal and move forward then but I never visualized my present life back then.
Recently, I have been feeling appreciative of my younger self and some of the tough choices I made to get this far. I didn't like 25yr old Gina at all, but now I admire her strength and courage for wanting to heal for herself. For along time I never looked at my younger self that way. In my mind during the early years of my life, I was always messed up. I was an addict and had mental issues. It seems that I made those things define who I was. Yes, I was a person who had eating disorders and mental health issues, but I was more than that. I can now see that I thought I was more than that, but I didn't know how to get past all of my issues.
When doing my 8th step (that is the one where you list all the people who you've harmed or have harmed you) I wrote my list very quickly at first but the person I had harmed the most was myself. I had such a hard time putting myself on that list.
Of course I went on to step 9 and made my amends to all the people on my list. The amends I have been making to myself have been ongoing. Like appreciating my younger self and what it took to ask for help. It's also not just asking for help but doing the work as well. Believe me it was very hard work, though it needed to be done. I just remember this very frightened girl all alone in NYC pushing herself to move forward and heal the past.
Of course all the help and working on myself paid off. I fell in love with myself and with life. Now, my life is full of interesting people, community, and of course I have my family...my beautiful family that I cannot sometimes believe are mine. I could not have found a better life partner than my husband Jesse. We fit like a perfect glove and my Myah is a dream daughter. Plus our two Yorkies, Maise and Spike, are the best little creatures.
So, I say to my younger self Thank You! For having the courage and strength to get help, to work through your crap and to stay true to the things that mattered most to you.
Love and Peace