Processing....

 Hola,

In a previous blog I had spoke about job hunting at 60. Well, I am still at it and finding it frustrating. Every day is fueled with different emotions. I go from my vision of it will all look like to I can't believe this will ever happen.

Today, I decided there is no way the universe is going to know what I clearly want by letting my fears, doubts, and criticisms get in the way. This whole year of 2024 has been me surrendering to my higher power the way I did almost 33 years ago as bulimic and compulsive over eater.  This has been a great thing but I forgot how hard it is. 

Looking back at my journey from that time I realize not only how much I went through but how at times I felt so lost. Now, today when I am trying recreate myself and move forward I am plagued with this lost feeling again. It creeps it's ugly head in and I go to self doubt right away. Of course, I don't like this one bit and get angry at myself and my higher power(Jesus). So, what I am seeing is that this isn't really helping my situation, but only drawing it out and making it more painful then it needs to be. Another realization is that this may just be part of the process.

My process of letting go of old beliefs and ideas that don't serve me happens, but it takes more visualizations, affirmations and to just keep myself moving. This is not easy because of my depression and anxiety. It's always a balancing act for me. How can I not to let my mental illness interfere with my goals and aspirations? Well, I like to say I have some magic pill or spell that works on my illness but I don't. All I have are the tried and tested methods I've used along the way. Mostly, letting myself have my feelings by just sitting in them, writing them in my journal and talking about them help. Still my illness persists so I have to manage my self accordingly. That means thinking of ways to keep my self moving and creating ideas on how to release some of the additional pressure I feel. 

Right now, I am feeling overwhelmed by it all and that is not good.  Feeling overloaded and stuck some days and then others days I feel like Miss Powerful Lady of the Universe! It's all just a bumble of emotions.

What I have to remember is that my feelings are just that, feelings. None of the negative stuff I tell myself are truths. If I keep focusing on these fears, doubts and criticisms, then I will have some major issues coming my way. That is something that will not forward my game or my life. So I appreciate them for what they are and move forward. The fact is that I am 60 looking for work and I have excellent work experience and many degrees. Plus I am still learning new software. My higher power will align me with the place that will appreciate having me on their team and need what I have to offer.

Writing this blog was one way of letting go of my negative feelings today. Thank you!

Love & Peace 

Gina❤️

Photo by Jesse Epstein