Celebrate with Me!!


Welcome to March! The month of Spring Training and crazy weather! It's the month my sweetheart was born and it also marks a special anniversary for me. 

I want you to know that I have never celebrated this anniversary before. Why, I don't know, but I have been looking forward to this anniversary for several months. So you are wondering what this anniversary is for? Well........


That means I haven't had a depressive or manic episode in 7 years!!! 

To me, it is so amazing.  Of course, I didn't realize until this past summer that it has been 7 years. Of course I think, "how long will it last?"  It's one of the reasons I know I haven't thought about celebrating. Really, I need to say Fuck that! 

My life has been a constant fight and continues to be. That hasn't ended and I don't know if it ever will. What I do know is I am living my life regardless of the imposing doom that looms over me.

The journey to this point has been heart breaking at times. Bad Psychiatrists who over medicated me and the one who led me to my last manic episode by giving me an anti depressant. Then came Doctor Lucy! 

She believed in me and helped me get off all my meds so I could get pregnant. Even when her bosses advised her not to. I did it! Remained off my drugs until after Myah was done breast feeding. After that, I went on low dosage of mood stabilizer and ant-anxiety meds.

In the year 2013, I lost 3 people I loved dearly and my beloved Lulee dog. My daughter was born in the mist of all of this. This precious miracle. Looking back, I wonder how I made it through. I forgot to mention all the judgments from people I know for having my having a child while being bipolar.  Despite of all that I made sure I enjoyed my pregnancy and every moment with Myah since.

In December of 2015, my Mother and Aunt Nancy were killed in a car accident. My Aunt died instantly and my Mother fought for 6 weeks on life support. I rode the train almost every day to Trenton to see my Mother at the trauma center there. How I didn't have a manic episode is beyond me. The loss of my Mother encompasses everything in my life. I grieve and sadness appears at certain moments. Even so, the dark gloom of depression has not appeared at my door. 

This past summer we packed all our stuff and moved to Costa Rica. Yes, my anxiety has been off the charts at times. I am fortunate to have a good psychiatrist here in Costa Rica and she helped get me the most amazing therapist. I am still attached to my therapist in NYC. We were together for 14 years. She held me together so many times. My accomplishments are definitely hers as well.  Again, I thought this move was going to set off my mania.

To those who are out there fighting, remember this illness can be managed. You need to find the things that work for you! Not for your spouse, parents, kids, and doctors! Be your own advocate. Most importantly Love yourself no matter what! Don't buy into stigma because it will only keep you down. You deserve a life you love!

To those of you that don't understand or fear those of us with mental illness, please don't judge. Get informed so you don't spread your fear any further. Mental illness is not contagious, so let go of stereotypes! The truth is we are all strong people. I don't think you have any clue what it takes for us just to get up in the morning and get out of bed. 

I will be posting on and off for the month about my celebration. 

I'm going to end by saying how grateful I am to all the beautiful people in my life. My husband, my daughter Myah and Maise Cakes (our Yorkie) are my joy!! Especially to my Mother, the Wind Beneath My Wings, and to God whose love is the tonic I drink daily.

Love and Peace To You All!!