What the Future Holds....
|Photo by Jesse Epstein
Yes, it's been awhile. I was taken ill with pneumonia. Right now I am recovering slowly but steady. I also have some conflicting feelings about my blog and how I want to go forward. Will explain later.
Right now I just want to get some things out to share and also before I forget them.
During the time of having pneumonia I turned 56. Wow! 56! I don't think of my age most often because I feel young, I have a 6yr old daughter and my husband is 16yrs older than me so he makes me feel young, but actually keeping up with that guy is a challenge. He doesn't ever sit still.
While I was on bed rest, I was thinking about what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Look I love my life and that's not what I am questioning. I've had careers. Worked for fashion designers and worked with celebrities. So, you are asking what's the problem? Well, I still at 56 have unfulfilled potential that I would like to tap into and fulfill.
I've always been a creative person but afraid to show my creative side. My singing voice has been praised and yet I don't sing in public. My family gets to hear it. I always wanted to be an actress and did some theater, but never pushed myself because of my fear. The blog has opened me up to writing again. Something I really haven't done since I was a teenager.
The night before my father past, I made him and my mother a promise. They both had worked hard so we could have lives that we loved. I said "Daddy, I promise you and Mommy I am not going to let my fears get in the way of the life I want. You had worked 30yrs at a job you did not like and Mommy never went to college like she wanted."
My father died 19 years ago. In 2002, I went back to school with the love & support of my beautiful mother. By 2006 I had finished my bachelor degree (graduated with honors) and got my M.A in Media Studies. Had met the love of my life in 2004. Married in 2008. We had a successful documentary film business until the crash in 2008. Gave birth to our beautiful daughter Myah in 2013 just 10 days shy of my 50th birthday.
Some of you maybe saying Gina, you kept your promise. I am not going to argue with you, but it's not complete for me. My parents always encouraged my creativity and wished I had done more.
When my mother passed, I saw clearly that this was the other half of the promise that I need to fulfill. Not only for them but most importantly for myself and my daughter.
Where do I start? In New York if I decided to something it was pretty simple to go out and do because everything is so accessible. Now I live in Guanacaste Costa Rica. Rural Costa Rica! Where nothing is really accessible and San Jose is 4 hrs away. Now, I know this is all stuff in my head that I am using to stop me but I will persevere. I have my mother's determination!
It's mostly letting myself be vulnerable and letting go of old stories that I have associated with my creative side. Being creative is a gift from my creator and I always have been a bit intimated by that. I know I am a powerful woman and I don't mean that I want to take over the world or anything. Acceptance of my power is what is needed but that is where the fear part comes in.
Letting go of fear of my power & vulnerability is really what I need to be working on as I move forward in my creative endeavors. I am not sure how I will do that but I will share the process along the way.
Love and Peace!