Oh No! Christmas Vacation is Over!
|Photo by Jesse Epstein|
Today my daughter Myah went back to school after being out for a month. Was I ready for her to go back? Well, not as much she was!
The reason I wasn't super ready for her to go back was because it gave me permission to be on vacation too! Of course I treasured our time together. It was great!
Truthfully, I loved not working and not doing the things I need to get done. Yes, I am a procrastinator! Today, I have been working all morning and after writing my blog, I hope there is enough time to run before picking up Myah.
One of the stories I play in my head is that I need to hide. Hide all the good things I am...to hide my greatness. This year I am dismantling that story. Let me me say that my fear and anxiety are at an all time high! My buttons are so pushed right now. So, I really didn't want Myah to go back to school because she was my excuse for not doing what I needed to do.
You may be asking yourself how am I going to stop hiding and get out in the world to show myself! A very good question. Simple response is to take it one day at a time. Truthfully, that is the key for me to move forward in anything I do. Thank God for the 12 step Program because that is where I learned to take it one day at a time.
Today, all I have to concern myself with is what I have to get done today. That's it! Tomorrow and the rest of the week will come. If my head is stuck in the rest of the week, the anxiety goes up and then comes the procrastination. My greatness will stay well hidden.
I have made a timeline for things to be complete and I plan to adhere to that. In all honesty some of that may change because life changes. I also know my old story may get in the way at times and that's expected. I've had the story a long time and it likes being where it is.
When you go in and conquer something big like this, you definitely don't do it alone! You create team around dismantling this story. My team right now is God, my husband Jesse, my therapist Marlene, my psychiatrist, my friends Dave Rudbarg and Lady Charmaine Day.
My motivation is basically twofold:
1. Hiding myself is hiding the gifts God has given me. Essentially, I am hiding God that is inside me.
2. Myah, my daughter will learn to hide her greatness if I hide mine. That would be the worst thing I could do as her mother.
This is how I am proceeding and will let you know how I am doing. There will be victories along with some defeats. I do know that this story will be replaced and I will show my greatness to the world. It is a promise to God, my parents, my husband and most importantly to my daughter. It will be fulfilled.
Love and Peace