A Little Reflecting
Just some reflecting today. Next month is my 57th birthday and I've just been looking at who I am now. Where I've been and how far I've come. What lead me here and what keeps me going.
I feel fortunate not to have really any regrets. I'm still alive with so much more ahead of me.
My past doesn't haunt, but fills me with pride and joy at all my experiences. Maybe at times it all seemed so bleak because I was fighting my own perfectionism and sense of failure. I was an addict who had lost her way. A victim of violence forced upon me from others own suffering. You may wonder how I escaped?
Well, I wouldn't call it that. It was part of my journey to myself that led to this place where my heart opened to the divine within in me. The gentle kindness of a spiritual teacher whose own sacrifice teaches me new things every day.
Even in my darkest hours I always had hope. It was my Mother's hope. She believed in my dreams at those times when I could not see my way clear through the darkness. It was her voice that got me to fight through the violence that was put upon me. I could hear her say "don't let them win!"
I didn't Mommy, how could I? I am your daughter. Something I am more grateful for every day. Your passing hasn't stoped my journey; it's only made it a little lonesome...but have more meaning. Whatever I do is because you and Daddy raised me to be curious, both with the world and within myself.
So now as 57 approaches, I feel young as ever and ready for new things. I love the woman I've become and the woman this new year will bring.
It's was never easy for me. My conversation about life was one of struggle. When I let go of this ridiculous notion, my life became a journey: a journey of my own design and with my own desires. The obstacles have made me stronger, braver and more creative. It's also made me more grateful for this precious life I have.
Keep the faith... And Pray
Love and Peace