My Mind Today

 

Hola,

Someone I love has mental illness like myself. Being a mentally ill person sucks, just as having Diabetes must suck! It's just there is no stigma around Diabetes. 

Today, I feel very overwhelmed and I am having a hard day. Now, I have reasons to feel overwhelmed. I chose to start a new business, We chose to sell our house in San Jose and to buy a house here in Tamarindo. There is a global pandemic, We can't travel. The USA is on the brink of civil war, and my loved one is out in California somewhere doing God know what to himself? He can't control it either.

You know when people say, "Your mind is you own."  Not true for us with mental illness. Some days the illness just takes over and you're off to the races or the couch! I just want to scream and can't! 

The thing is I do know that on days like this, I have to be particularly kind to myself and let my feelings flow. I have learned that trying not to feel this way just makes it all stay around longer. It just hurts and I feel frustrated and sad at the same time.

I'm weary and tired of fighting this all the time. Some days I just need peace and quiet. It's hard to have peace and quiet when you have a family...or for your spouse to understand that you just can't today. 

This is not a pity party! It is what it is and I guess that is what I am trying to say. I've kept my depression at bay for almost 10yrs and I deal with my anxiety. Some days it's so what Gina, you have a mental illness, and so does my loved one. 

I pray that this will pass and I expect it will, but please pray for my beloved. He is young, smart, kind, generous and loving. Thank you....

Love & Peace

Gina