Letting the Snow Land - A Recovery Story

 

Hola,

I like to tell this story about my early recovery not too long after I had completed the 12 steps. 

One of the things I enjoy is running. I started in 1984 and over those years I ran on the upper east side, the reservoir in central park, Brooklyn Heights, and in Hoboken where my story takes place.

Recovery is always about healing past traumas and wounds. My addiction to food and my bulimia was to numb those traumas. So, I spent my early recovery dealing with all that. It was really brutal fleshing all of that out but necessary to my healing. I no longer was numbing the pain of my past and dealing with the grief of all I lost.  All new territory for me.

Before, I begin my story I want to explain why I love to run. It's my time not just to collect my thoughts but a time to jam with my music, check in with myself and the things I am working on in my life. It is also very spiritual for me. I speak to and ask God what I need help with, to listen and pray. Another big benefit from running is it's so good for me to get my nervous energy out and great for the endorphins!

 Here's my story...

So,  I had been in recovery for almost 3 years. Still working on my past traumas and doing really well despite some hard times. I was living in Hoboken at the time. It was March and you know how the weather can be that time of year on the east coast. It's beautiful one minute and storming the next. Crazy month because you never know how to dress. 

This day turned out to be a nice day maybe a little chilly but that's good running weather. I set out from my apartment and started running and all was good. I  didn't notice traffic or people much. I was in the zone! Then the sky got a little grey and all of a sudden it started to snow ever so gently. I remember the snow kissing my face. I couldn't believe how beautiful it's touch felt on my face. My eyes started to tear up. It was like I was experiencing snow for the first time. Everything seemed magical in that moment. Like a beautiful dream.

Then it hit me! All this time I was numbing myself from my pain with my builima and compulsive overeating. I was also numbing myself to all the good things in my life. Like the snow and all the love that surrounded me.

As an addict I perceived everything to negative and there was nothing hopeful. Just that there had to be a better way for me to live. Never in my wild imagination would I have believed back then that the snow touching my face would make me realize the beauty of what was already in my life.

I didn't stop running. I couldn't. The snow kept falling and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I let myself feel it-the cold, the wet and the beauty of the snow falling on my face.

Love and Peace

Ginamarie