Frustrated with Happiness

Photo by Marlenny Ovalles


I am always excited when I hit the new post button. Unfortunately today I feel tired and frustrated. This is partly because tomorrow my baby turns 4yrs old and  I have been doing a lot of running around. My blog today may seem a little scattered just because of my day.

After dropping Myah off at school we headed to Cima, the big hospital here. I had a check up and some lab work last week. Nothing wrong but because of one of my medications I need to get my blood checked every 3-4 months. Great appointment I am in really good health. God, has not only blessed me with Bipolar disorder but I have something I was also born with called thalassemia trait. It's a blood condition in that my red blood cells don't last long because they don't get enough oxygen. Fortunately, I just have the trait but my hemoglobin is low. Explains why I have been feeling tired lately. My frustration is that there is nothing that really can be done. Diet & folic acid is about it. I eat well so folic acid really doesn't help unless I take large dose and no one gives that.

My frustration with the situation is two fold. First the low hemoglobin can trigger depression and right now it's not that low but something I have to watch. It's the day to day that's harder. Being tired and keeping myself in check is a lot of work and it's hard. Sometimes I just need to acknowledge that. I tend to brush off my recovery but it's a serious job and commitment.

I started out by telling you that it was Myah's 4th birthday tomorrow. It has made me nostalgic. Hard to believe 4yrs ago today I was in labor at this time. It all went so fast and I love her more each day! I went to mall today to do my blog, get sneakers and buy more presents for Myah. Never got to my blog there but did buy everything else.

They were having a bridal expo and I loved that time in my life. Getting my wedding dress and planning my beautiful day was really awesome. As awesome as it was having Myah beats everything! I loved being pregnant. I felt so beautiful and happy. This miracle was growing in my body! She was a miracle. I was 10 days shy of my 50th birthday when she was born. Motherhood is something I am grateful that God has given me.  My daughter rocks!!


Rosanna Russell said…
Oh Wow! I remember going to the hospital to hold that baby less than a day old!! I'm sorry I missed the day of her B-day... I guess it was different to celebrate not being here, but I hope it was a fun happy birthday for Myah!! Big hug & kiss for her birthday!