The Lauer Report


This morning I woke up and I looked at my phone. Guess, what CNN posted for me to see first thing? Matt Lauer was fired over sexual harassment claims! Another one outed! I was not surprised. Rumors of his infidelities have been around in New York for years. Like Harvey Weinstein, every one knew but he got away with it for so long. Now that it's out in the open women are coming forward.

These brave women are facing ridicule and humiliation but it is a worthy cause. We are treated as objects. It seems that to a certain male population, they feel it's okay to take what they want and have no clue as to the damage they caused. Their entitlement over our bodies makes me sick!

I'm going to share my own story. I was molested at 10 and raped at 21. Most of my young years I walked around feeling like a thing. I was so disconnected from my body, my soul and my spirit. The result of this was I ended up with an eating disorders, feeling less than other people.  I had pure self hate.  My mother and Aunt used to tell me that no one would marry me because I was too fat. Of course that was true, but I was damaged goods as well. I was in pain all the time.  I thought the way I felt was normal.

Like all girls I dreamt of falling in love and having someone. This didn't seem possible considering the circumstances. It took me 4yrs to get help after my rape and another 4yrs or so to process all the effects of my abuses. It was an extremely painful process and I have memories of myself crying so hard and screaming in my apartment. The support of my therapist Jim and my friends in various 12 step programs was something I relied on. There was a woman named Denise who, like me, was molested as a kid. Some days she was the only person I could talk to. We were each other's angels. My therapist taught me to trust men again and three men from the program taught me that men can be supportive.

God was with me on this excruciating journey as well. I went through a lot, but the rewards have been great! I began to feel so good about myself and my body that I took ownership of my sexuality. In my 30's I had lots of fun and freedom around dating and sex. I met my Jesse at 41. He is an amazing man and I love him so much and he loves me so much. I would have never married an amazing man if I didn't do the work.

These men don't realize the impact they have on our lives and I hope some of these bastards start feeling the impact on their lives!

Love and Peace to You All!



Rosanna Russell said…
It is not enough to say Thank you for sharing all this... That you can be open enough to put down in words, and very eloquently, these crucial parts of a painful journey when you were younger, is a real testament to your strength, and how far you've come!! All the work you've done on healing and strengthening is not to be diminished in a few words. Just know how grateful I am to read this, and what a source of inspiration you are!