Trees, Trimmings and Missings


Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly! Yes, Christmas is here in Costa Rica and slowly making it's way to the Epstein household. We are having a tree trimming party at our house on Sunday. A part of me is afraid no one will show up? It's our first year here and I don't feel like I fit in with the suburban crowd. You, know it doesn't matter who shows or who doesn't show.  Jesse, Myah and I will have a great time putting up the tree together.

The tree this year may or may not be real. In Costa Rica they use cypress trees as Christmas trees and they look nice but the branches are very fine,  making it hard to hang ornaments of any real weight. We keeping hearing about fir trees imported from Canada and we are in hot pursuit of finding where to buy them. If we can't get the Canadian tree then our only option is to buy a fake! I hate fake trees! Brings me back to my childhood. My Mom insisted on a fake tree because she didn't like the needles on the real tree getting all over the house. I have very clear memories of my brother, sister and I putting the fake tree together.

Today we went to Myah's school Christmas Concert. Myah was an angel and sang her heart out! We were very pleased. This morning while getting ready she told us she was sad because Marlenny wasn't going to there today. This is the hard part. Missing loved ones who were such a presence in our life.

That brings me to my own grief. I have been feeling for my Mother and my Aunt Nancy.  Tuesday will be the anniversary of the fatal car accident that killed my aunt instantly and my mother 6 weeks later. It's still really hard to bear. The fact it happened so close to Christmas makes it harder especially since they were Christmas to us!  There is a part of me that still can't believe it. Every day I say to myself "I gotta call Mommy."

The holidays should be a joyous time and so many people find them difficult to bear. This year will be another reminder of my loss and also of our new journey here in Costa Rica.

Love and Peace to You All!