You Live in My heart


Today my blog is going to have a different format. On this day 2 years ago, my Cousin, my Aunt Nancy and my mother were involved in a fatal car accident. My Aunt was killed instantly, My Mother died 6 weeks later and my cousin survived, but lives with constant pain. I've decided to write my Mother a letter on my blog.

Dear Mommy,
I can't believe it has been 2 years since the accident. What a horror it has been for us kids. My heart aches so much for you. I miss everything, even the arguing! Some things have changed and others have remained the same. Unfortunately, we aren't really a tight family anymore. To be honest, I don't think we were ever really tight. You just kept us close. I know you would be disappointed, but honestly I have to face realities about my siblings that I never wanted to. There was always a fairy tale I had about them. Because I was the youngest, you tended to create things like that.

Aunt Nancy's family is pretty much the same as us. Little Gary and I are intact! We are too much alike, so that makes it easier for us to be there for each other.

I feel so ungrounded since you passed. Our daily calls always meant so much to me. I always knew they wouldn't last. Just hearing your voice some days made whatever I was going through fade away.

It became painful to be in the city especially Harlem. Walking by places we had eaten at or shopped. Remember when we took bus to 125th street and shopped. Going to the theatre with you. Since the accident, anytime we went into Juniors I couldn't stop thinking of the time I took you there. Mom, I am thankful that I remember more good memories than bad ones.

For me the hard part is Myah. She misses you and talks about you. It wasn't too long ago she told me she had a dream that you came down from heaven and told her you missed her. A part of me believes that wasn't a dream. She doesn't have a grandmother and that makes me sad. You know how close I was to Grandma. I wanted the same for my daughter.

Did I tell you I am turning into you? My blood is low at 8.5 and I hear you come out of my mouth all the time! With my blood low, I can really relate to how you must of felt with 3 kids and a house to clean.

I missed calling Aunt Nancy for her birthday. When I think of her, I hear in my head saying"Go have Fun!" Yes, she is in my head scary right?

I just want to end by thanking you for all that we you were and all that you weren't. It's all okay. I'm good and happy with the life I have. You were a passionate woman who gave us so much love. Know that you live in my heart.