A Great Question

The other day on my FB group for Mental Illness Support a question was posed to us followers. It went like this "If you had the chance to say something about your mental illness what would you say?"Great question because most of the world really doesn't know or care what goes on with the mentally ill. Here we our given the opportunity to say exactly how we feel about this entity that has invaded our brain.  Of course my response was one of someone who has 6 years without any manic or depressive episodes. "It's an Illness and can be managed." I stand by what I said. Now, I decided to look at what other people wrote. At first I was quite judgmental about where they were at with their illness. Then I got another notification on this question and I started to read more of responses.
My judgments dissipated the more I read because I realized I was every response. This is list of some of the responses:

" I hate It!"
"It enlightened me!"
"Go Away....Please.....Like Forever!"
"I'm tired of fighting!"
" It made me a loner!"
"I'm still a good person." "I just have an Illness!"
"Everyone has a story!"
"It ruined my life!"
"I'm tired and it's a lot of work!"
"I never asked for this!"

 I do hate it because it's hard and not accepted in society as an illness. It has enlightened me in many ways. One being that  having an illness like this has required me see how others look at mental illness.  The other is to see how strong of a person I am and how strong my faith is. If there was a way for me to get rid of this illness then I would take it in heartbeat.  Everyday is a fight and I'm not sure if I could explain it properly. The obvious is dealing with the urges but it's so much more than that. Dealing with people and situations. Holding down your emotions. Going on when you are emotionally exhausted or just having a day when you can't get it together. Then the side effects of meds. For me it's shaky hands and dry mouth. Some days are easier than others but they are at a level of difficulty. I feel very lonely sometimes even though I have a supportive husband and beautiful daughter.  The only time I feel connected is when I talk with friends who have mental illness. If you keep following you will hear my story. At times it has set back my life and made it impossible for me to move forward. Some days I am so tired and it is so much hard work. The effort to keep it together is exhausting. Though I feel very proud of myself for accepting my illness and doing what it takes to manage it. No, I never asked for it but it has made me a better person and someone who has been able to turn it around and embrace not just this part of myself but all my parts!

Please follow me on my Costa Rican Adventure!