Choking on 9/11

Hola,

I woke this morning dreading the anniversary of one of the most traumatic days of my life 9/11. Last night I said to myself well at least I'm not in NYC this year for all the tons of TV coverage. Then I woke up to Face book and the twin towers are everywhere. I let out a sigh and Myah came in to ask me what I wanted for breakfast and my mood changed. Got myself up and dressed then went downstairs to my family.

It started out as a usual breakfast. Myah singing and performing to us. I sat enjoying my toast with peanut butter. That all changed all in a matter of moments. I started eating some of the fruit salad and somehow this piece of watermelon got lodged in my throat and I started choking. You know how when first start choking you take something to drink and usually stops well that didn't happen. I couldn't stop and I stood up choking harder. I kept drinking stuff to help the lodged watermelon to move but it wouldn't. My thoughts were racing and I really thought I was going to die. I peed my pants. Jesse came around and tried the Heimlich maneuver and it wasn't working. At that point I thought I was definitely going to die. Finally Jesse successfully did the Heimlich and the piece of watermelon dropped on the floor. After that my whole body was shaking. I looked at Myah and she seemed unfazed. My clothes needed to be changed but the 2 flights of stairs looked like Mt. Everest at this point. Jess offered to help me but I went myself as not to alarm Myah. When I got upstairs I got changed and on the bed I went. Jess came up to say he would take Myah to school and I could rest. It was a nice offer but for Myah's sake I got myself together and went down to finish my breakfast. Little did I know that I was going to get a lecture about eating with my mouth full from my daughter. I tried to sit calmly and eat. Still very shaken but thank god for not taking me at this time. I have this picture in my mind of my Mom yelling at God, saying  don't take my daughter in front of my granddaughter!

Which brings me back to 9/11.  I was in NYC when it happened. No, I wasn't at ground zero but had a good friend you saw horrible things down there but we all saw horrible things. I worked on 34th street between 5th and Madison. The owner of the company I worked for flew his helicopter to work every day and saw the whole thing from the air. We had an exercise room in our office with a TV in it so we all went upstairs to watch was happening. When the first building collapsed a guy I worked with let out this gut wrenching scream. His sister was in that building.  The rest of the day didn't get much better. Since there were no trains working we all had to walk.  I offered my place to some people who had no way of getting home. At this time I was living on 105th and Westend. We started walking up 5th avenue. The sidewalks on both sides of the street were packed and so were the streets. It was so quiet you could heard a pin drop among all those people.  Then as we were walking someone yelled there was a bomb at Grand Central Station! Just like that the eerie calm became  loud screaming and people running everywhere. I remember praying to my Dad who had just past and thinking I wouldn't wish these feelings of pure fright on my worst enemy.  Of course I would have liked our country to have handled this terror attack differently. We've played exactly into Bin Laden's hands and he got what he wanted. He stirred up hate and revenge, two things that should never go together.

What I feel every year on this day is for the families who lost loved ones.  I can't imagine what it's like to bring this up like this every year. For some it may be helpful but I am sure there of those who don't like it.  I've lost my parents and it's hard. I think of them all the time and the profound influence they have had on me. I grieve for them all the time but that isn't something I want to share with the world. How do find peace like this? I guess it might be comforting to some to share this with the country but for the rest of your lifetime?

I hope wasn't to preachy but I did almost choke to death today, of all days.

Adios,
Gina